The book that changed my view on queerness
As a young child, living in Kenya, I came to learn that being queer is not something that is socially accepted. In fact, it’s generally not discussed but owing to Christian influence you will often hear it called ‘things of the devil’. Additionally, we have branded ourselves as a ‘conservative society’ where we shy away from talking about sex and sexuality. Growing up, no one actually tells you it’s wrong but since it’s perceived it is a deviation from the norm. You have this feeling that it is wrong but don’t know why. Or you will be told because religious texts say so. As children, we are taught not to question religious texts. For most of my pre-teen and teenage years, I accepted queerness as something that was wrong. I didn’t question it because as children we are taught not to question it.
I have for the longest time enjoyed reading and often pick up books around the house when I’m bored. My dad has always been an avid reader and so I occasionally pick up and read some of his books. When I was in my mid-teens I came across The Story of the Night by Colm Toibin and this book forever changed my views on queerness. I still have memories of parts of the book over a decade later, as they have stayed with me since. This book prompted me to question what I had known since I was a child.
The book is set in Argentina and follows the main character Richard who struggles with his sexuality. He hides his sexuality from his mother and society, which is a reflection of society’s harsh views on queerness that still exist. The main takeaway from the book that I still remember is ultimately being gay is not a choice, and owing to societal norms, people who are queer can often go through shame before reaching self-acceptance. Self-acceptance may sometimes never come for some. I was able to empathize with Richard and see him, a gay person, as human. Based on socialization, we are taught to dehumanize gay people and look at them from one angle. We no longer see them as human, and that’s why we are able to justify all the wrong things, (harassment, violence, and murder), we do to queer people. To humanize queer people, the question is often posed, what if your child, your best friend, your brother, your sister, or a loved one told you they were queer? Would you love them less? Would you shun them or stop loving them? Personally, I would not deny myself the joy of having someone in my life.
Ultimately, it led me to ask ‘Who does it hurt if someone is queer?’ If you think and believe it is wrong and that they will burn in hell? Will you be the one burning? If you think they are not good people based solely on their sexuality, you are likely closed-minded to believe that any individual is one-dimensional. Ultimately, there is more to people than their sexuality and more to human beings than who they chose to sleep with.